Thursday, October 15, 2009


A sales rep, an administration clerk and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one."

"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She's gone.

In astonishment, "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of pina coladas and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone.

"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says,"I want those two back in the office after lunch."

Moral of story: always let your boss have the first say.

Friday, May 29, 2009

Free Fridge

Some guy bought a new refrigerator for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying:

“Free to good home. You want it, you take it.”
For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it. He eventually decided that people were too un-trusting of this deal.

It looked too good to be true, so he changed the sign to read:

“Fridge for sale $50.”

The next day someone stole it!

Friday, May 22, 2009

Talking Muffins

So there were two muffins in the oven. The first one said, "Man its hot in here," the other one said, "HOLY CRAP A TALKING MUFFIN."

The Crappy car

A man walking around a car lot looking for a car,he finds one he likes,so he bent over to fell the carpet of the car,but as soon as he bends over he lets out a big fart. Embarrassed he look around to see if anyone heard the fart,and sure enough a sales person is standing right behind him embarrassed he quickly asks how much the car is. The sales person says if you farted just toching the car your 'gonna crap your pants when you hear how much the car is.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Plane flight

Bill Clinton, Hilary Clinton, Al Gore, and Tipper Gore were on a plane flight, looking down at the world.

Bill Clinton said, "ya know, I could drop a $10,000 bill out the window and make one person very happy."

And Hilary replied, "Yes, but I could drop 10 $1,000 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy."

Then Al Gore said, "Well I could drop 100 $100 bills out the window and make 100 people very happy."

And Tipper responds, "I could drop all three of you out the window and make the whole country happy!"

Oh Ted!!!!!

After numerous rounds of "We don't know if Osama is still alive," Osama himself decided to send Ted Kennedy a note in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game.
Kennedy opened the note, which appeared to contain a single line of coded message: 370HSSV-0773H.
Kennedy was baffled, so he E-mailed it to John Kerry. Kerry and his aides had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI. No one could solve it at the FBI, so it went to the CIA, then to the NSA. With no clue as to its meaning, the FBI finally asked Marine Corps Intelligence for help.
Within a few seconds, the Marines cabled back with this reply: "Tell Kennedy he is holding the message upside down."

Traffic Camera


A man was driving when a traffic camera flashed. He thought his picture was taken for exceeding the speed limit, even though he knew he was not speeding. Just to be sure, he went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed. He thought this was quite funny, so he slowed down even further as he drove past the area, but the traffic camera flashed yet again. He tried a fourth time with the same result. The fifth time he was laughing when the camera flashed as he rolled past at a snail's pace.

Two weeks later, he got five traffic fine letters in the mail for driving without a seat belt.